Life Goals: Have The Right People In Your Squad

One of the biggest things that people of all ages struggle with is choosing friends. This is generally thought of as a teenage problem but really it is not. It may be more pronounced in the teen years, but this is a struggle that people go through during their entire life. Many a person can pinpoint their downfall to terrible friends that they have made. And, at the same time I can look at some people and see that their downfall has come because they did not surround themselves with people at all.

Wisdom in this area is of utmost importance. This means that if we want to honor God with our lives then we will need to choose the right people to be in our squad. We are looking for people who will be suited to go through the battles of this life with, not just people to spend a little time with.

I have struggled with this at different times in my own life in different ways. As a High School student I was surrounded by other believers who kept me relatively accountable. As a community college student and employee at the Post Office I began hanging out with the wrong people. I began participating in activities that I had avoided like the plague only a few years earlier. I began attending church again and repented of that stuff and later was called to ministry. During college I was again surrounded by good friends who kept me accountable. Then, I found myself in a very different situation. While I was in Green Forest, married to Amanda with little kids we both were without close friends in the area. We kept up with a few friends and called and talked often, but we were quite alone. This also was a struggle in other ways. We were without people that we could hang out with and share our burdens with. We were isolated in a way that was unhealthy for us there.

Here’s the point and the reason you need to pay attention to this. Living wisely in this world is akin to walking on the edge of a razor. It is incredibly easy to step off into the wrong direction and have bad friends. At the same time it is incredibly easy to step off into the wrong direction and be isolated. Both are damaging in different ways.

Interestingly, you find all of this discussed in the Book of Proverbs. Scattered throughout the Book of Proverbs there is much wisdom about friendships. Next week we will look at how we are to behave with our friends. This week we will look at choosing the right friends and some things we need to know about friendship.

To walk wisely in this world, you will need a few great friends who love Jesus and will be honest with you.

Do Not Be A Loner (Proverbs 18:1)

To some of you, probably even most of you, it may seem odd to begin here. But it is necessary, for there are many people who want to be isolated. There may be legitimate reasons for a person wanting to isolate themselves. You may want to isolate yourself when you’ve been mistreated, heartbroken, or a number of other reasons. And there may be short time periods where it is needed. But it is no way to live long term.

“Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire;

He breaks out against all sound judgment.”

–Proverbs 18:1 ESV-

 

Remember, a Proverb is a general rule. It’s like saying, a vast majority of the time this is how things work out. This is what we know. The loner is generally a selfish fool.

 

I was a loner for a while working at the Post Office. After I had turned from a lot of the foolish things I was doing, I found myself pretty alone. I worked hours that kept me away from a lot of my friends and I did not try to seek new ones. I spent a lot of time alone. I would go out to eat by myself. I would go fishing by myself. I would spend all of my money on myself and oftentimes would live in seclusion other than going to work. Even there I avoided people at times.

I have some relatives who have locked their selves away from the world for years. They are incredibly selfish. Here is just one example. A girl had a pretty bad car accident, ran off the road, and hit the keg that they had flowers planted in. The girl came to the door asking for a phone or for them to call the ambulance and they wouldn’t help unless she paid for the pot. Eventually she called and got a ride to the hospital and at this time they were followed to the hospital as my relative insisted upon their flower keg being paid for. It seems absolutely insane, and it is. But here is the truth. A loner will do these foolish and selfish things not realizing one bit how bad it is.

As a loner it’s easier to do any number of foolish things. It is easier to not go to church and not do the things a believer is supposed to be. It is easier to ruin your life with any number of stupid decisions. This is so much the case that a loner is thought of as foolish.

The Scriptures don’t specify whether the person striking out is already foolish and selfish when they do it or if they become that way. From what I’ve seen it is the latter, even though this may not always be the way it works out. The way that I’ve usually seen this work is the person strikes it out on their own and eventually has trouble thinking about anyone but themselves and eventually this intense selfishness seems to take over making them incredibly foolish as well.

Even though people may annoy you, you need people around you. Don’t try to be a loner. Interestingly, seeking after lots of friends can be dangerous and all around unhelpful.

Value Close Friends Over Many Friends

There is a difference between popularity and having close friends. Some of you may know this firsthand. I know that I do from personal experience. I had quite a few friends in High School, but most of them did not stick around when I was having hard times. My many High School friends, though they lived in the same town as me disappeared. I quickly found out that close friendships are what should be valued. And, that is what I value even today.

Think about this. What can you receive from having a few close friends that you can’t get from having many friends and none that are close? Think about this and answer it on your own. I think you will see the great value in a few close friends.

It’s funny to see what naturally flows out of us come out in children. My daughter seeks the attention of a child who is thought of as more popular amongst the children here at church. Since this person is a few years older they really don’t want to play with her that much. Now, there is another child who Lydia loves here. They are the same age and this friend is very, very kind to Lydia. She actually brought Lydia a present last Sunday. Lydia gets sad and dissatisfied when she is constantly seeking the attention of those around here, but she is glowing and happy when she enjoys her friend. I mention this because we can be that way. We are constantly seeking more friendships from those we deem as of better value. We want more followers on Instagram or friends on Snapchat. And what we lose sight of is that a few close friends are infinitely more valuable than a lot of friends.

So far we have two principles to remember about our squad. We need to have friends and value close friends above a large quantity. Now we will go further and see that we need to have the right type of people in our squad.

Choose The Right Type Of Person To Be In Your Squad

There are different ways that you could characterize friendships. But one that I found incredibly helpful was from Dan Phillips book, “Wisdom in Proverbs”. In it he describes three different types of friendships. They are broken down on the basis of their give and take.

• Give Relationships are those in which you are doing all of the giving and receiving little in return. This is good for a Christian because it is showing the love of Christ to those who need it.
• Take Relationships are those in which you are receiving with little to no giving to the other person. Most of the time this is a bad situation for a believer to be in. We don’t want to use people. But, there are times that this is necessary. One instance is when you are being mentored by another believer. It is necessary to find a good mentor in life, but this is not what we are discussing.
• Give-Take Relationships are those in which your closest companions reside. There is a tremendous amount of give and take between you and your friends. This is what we are discussing in this post.

So, in these Give-Take Relationships we need to be careful. We need to choose our friends wisely. My football coach would often warn us of the dangers of hanging out with the wrong friends. He would say, “If you run with the dogs you will get their ticks.” I would call this a good American Proverb. It definitely teaches a Scriptural Principle.

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”—Proverbs 13:20 ESV

There are two things that we should consider before letting people into our squad, or our inner circle. It is okay to be friends with other people, but those closest to us should be believers. They should have the foundation right. It is not possible to consider someone wise who does not know Christ. They have not understood in the most basic part of wisdom. They have not understood that they are sinners who are rebels against God. They have not understood that they have offended a Holy God. They have not understood that they are doomed for an eternity separated from Him. They have not understood that God sent His Son to pay the full punishment for their sins so that they could be brought into a right relationship with God. They have not yet trusted in the One who died and rose from the dead, so they cannot be considered a wise companion.

Is it okay to have friends that are not Christians? Of course, but it is dangerous for those people to be your closest friends. If you walk with the fool you will suffer harm. If you walk with the wise then you will become wise.

Being Christian is not the only thing we have to consider. We want to have loyal friends. We have to choose loyal friends. Understandably, this is not something that you know about people right away. This will mean that there are times when you figure out that your friends are not loyal and you just allow them to fade out of your inner circle.

“The poor is disliked even by his neighbor,

but the rich has many friends.”—Proverbs 14:20 ESV

 

“Wealth brings many new friends,

but a poor man is deserted by his friends.”—Proverbs 19:4 ESV

 

“Many seek the favor of a generous man,

and everyone is a friend to a man who gives gifts.

All a poor man’s brothers hate him;

how much more do his friends go far from him!”—Proverbs 19:6-7 ESV

 

There is a tendency for people to abandon you when you are in the middle of a hard time. When you are having hard times, your “friends” have a tendency to disappear. I’ve seen this happen in my own life and in the lives of others. But if you choose and cultivate the right friendships then you will have people who will always be by yours side when the hard times come.

“A man of many companions may come to ruin,

But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”—Proverbs 18:24 ESV

The good friend sticks to you closer than family. I have seen this to be the case in my own life. I have deeper friendships than I have with much of my family. I also feel that I can count on many of my friends more than I can count on a lot of my family. And notice here that there is a comparison made between the person with many friends and the person with a close companion.

The man who has many companions can come to ruin, but there is something different about the person with a friend that “sticks closer than a brother”. Though it is not explicitly stated here, the implication is that the opposite is the case with the person who has a close friend. And there are other Proverbs that also bear this idea out. We have already seen that having a lot of friends is rather unhelpful. The opposite is true with having good, close friendships. When adversity comes to the person with many friends he will crumble, but it is not so with the person that has a few great friends.

This idea is taken further with our next Proverb.

“A friend loves at all times,

And a brother is born for adversity.”—Proverbs 17:17 ESV

Even though there are people who will desert you when the hard times come, you want a person who will stick with you. It is those friends who you look at as being extremely close to you (this includes family) that will bear adversity with you. You don’t need people who are going to desert you when the hard times come in your inner circle. You need one “born for adversity” in your squad.

This does not mean that you need to hang out with a bunch of angry people who have got your back. This is more about surrounding yourself with the type of people who will not desert you when things get tough. And this is by no means easy to find.

“Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love,

But a faithful man who can find?”—Proverbs 20:6 ESV

Loyal friends are not easy to find. They aren’t everywhere. You will find in your life many people who will proclaim their devotion to you but very few who actually will. There is preciousness to a good friend. They are rare. When you find friends like this you must treat them well and cultivate that friendship.

The last characteristic we will discuss is truthfulness. You need to choose a friend who will tell you the truth. I’m not talking about true facts and data. I’m talking about truths about yourself that you do not want to hear.

“Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend;

Profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”—Proverbs 27:5-6 ESV

Even though it seems nice to think about, you don’t really want friends who just constantly tell you how good you are. Or, rather make you seem better than you really are. You want and actually need a friend who will tell you the truth.

If you were not paying attention and walking toward a cliff, you would need someone to get your attention before you fell. Likewise, if you are headed toward danger then you don’t need a friend who is telling you how good you look as you walk to your demise. You need a friend who is going to tell you what a big mistake you are making.

There was a time when I was headed down a path that I should not. At that time there was a man who saw what was going on. He warned me about the friends that I was hanging out with and the change in my behavior. He went out of his way to tell me what was going on. It was a great act of love. He didn’t have to do anything. He was exactly right. While everyone else was letting me plunge headlong into the abyss, he was begging me to consider my ways. I didn’t need any flattery. I needed for someone to tell me the truth. And the truth hurt.

Notice what the Proverb says. The friend is giving wounds and these wounds are faithful. It’s not easy to hear that you are messing up. It is not easy to hear these things. Yet, we at times need to hear them. And so, it is a great act of love for someone to deliver this message to us. The opposite of this are the kisses of the enemy.

He is not your friend who flatters you, even to your own demise. That’s not what you need. As appealing as it is to constantly be told how great you are, it’s not what you need. You need friends who are brave enough to be truthful to you even when it hurts.

Conclusion

In Summary, you need a few good friends who love Jesus and will be honest with you. The value of this kind of friendship is enormous. Not following this path can lead to devastation.

If you are reading this and have been lured into sin by bad friends I also want you to know that Christ has made a way for you. As was mentioned above, God has made a way for you to be right with Him through the work of Christ. Turn from ruling your life and trust in Christ. When you come to Christ you are moved from being enemies of God to friends and family. And God will be your great treasure forever. He will be to you a friend who will be with you always and who truthfully loves you.

R. Dwain Minor