I spoke a few weeks ago about the type of people that we should be the closest of friends with. We are now returning to that conversation, but in the negative. What type of people are you to avoid being close friends with.

I spoke a few weeks ago about the bad things that I had been a part of and how much of that could be linked to bad friends. The hard truth is that we can’t be close friends with just anyone if we want to lead lives that are committed to Christ. If we want to be people who live for His glory and His honor then we need to be choosy about who our closest friends are.

As a High School student I was surrounded by other believers who kept me relatively accountable. As a community college student and employee at the Post Office I began hanging out with the wrong people. I began participating in activities that I had avoided like the plague only a few years earlier. I began attending church again and repented of that stuff and later was called to ministry. During college I was again surrounded by good friends who kept me accountable.

Consider The Importance

This is massively important. It doesn’t seem like a big deal at the time, but as you look back on your life you will see just how much your friends have influenced you. You may be able to look at your friends and say no to the overtly bad things that they ask you to do, I was. But that’s not how their influence works. A friend’s influence is oftentimes more subtle than that. Friends influence our clothing styles, music and viewing preferences, and what we do throughout the week and the weekends. And because friends influence us so much, both overtly and covertly, we need to be careful about who we let into our inner circle.

A few weeks ago we talked about the type of people we should have in our squad. We need a few close friends who love Jesus and love you enough to be honest with you about your own failings. Now we are going to look at the type of people that should most definitely be left out of your squad.

Here is where the discussion gets tough. It’s very beneficial to have good friends in your life. At the same time it’s detrimental to have bad close friends in your life. So, here is a list of the attributes that you should avoid in a close friend.

Leave The Fool Out Of Your Squad (Proverbs 13:20; Proverbs 14:7)

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”—Proverbs 13:20 ESV

“Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet the words of knowledge.”—Proverbs 14:7 ESV

The fool is a person that you are supposed to avoid having within your close circle of friends for a few reasons. Positively, if you have wise friends then you will become wise. On the negative side, the person whose close friends are fools will suffer harm and be far from knowledge.

Do you ever wonder how things become acceptable to say or do on Social Media or within a large group that people would oftentimes never do or say? There is something at play that we don’t often consider. It’s called mob mentality or herd mentality. This term describes how large groups of people appropriate the behaviors from those around them.

Here are some examples.

On the news there has been a lot of analysis of Trump Rallies. Trump would get angry at a protestor early on in his candidacy and talk about punching him in the face. Then there would be shouting from the masses at the person or people, and then someone would punch them in the face. I don’t think that this person would have done this outside of the Trump rally. Why did it seem acceptable to the person at the time? Because they were surrounded by a mob of people who wanted it done and found it acceptable at the moment. The people around them excited them to a level of violence that they would likely have not reached otherwise.

Something similar to this happens in schools all over the country. One person will begin picking on a person, then a group, and then all of a sudden there is a furthering of the abuse. And, at times you see people within the mob that you would never have imagined would be there. A person who has generally been nice to others is all of a sudden in the middle of this horrible act. They were influenced by the mob surrounding them.

I believe that this also works in the opposite direction. Have you ever been to an event where a lot of people were doing a lot of good? I have seen this happen on a few different occasions. I was working in Charleston, South Carolina in a very poor area of that city on a World Changers Trip and saw people doing tremendous things for the people there. I saw the mob mentality work out for good. I saw the same type of thing happen when we were helping an organization in Little Rock called “Fishnet Ministries” to feed homeless folks under the bridge in Little Rock. We saw the mob working and doing good. We actually saw typically very shy people opening up, talking, and sharing the gospel with people in need. The mob mentality works in both positive and negative directions.

Here’s the point. Whether you understand it or not the people that surround us have an amazing ability to influence us in ways that we would never imagine. This is why it is given so much attention in the Book of Proverbs. And it is also why allowing a fool into your inner circle can have such dire consequences.

Figure Out Who The Fool Is

So, how do you pinpoint the fool? The answer to this goes back to the first session that we had on the Book of Proverbs. You pinpoint them by understanding where their foundation lies. How do you pinpoint the fool? The fool does not have the God of Scripture at the center of their thinking or worldview.

What is the foundation of wisdom? A few weeks back we figured out that this was faith in God. For us, New Testament believers, it is trusting in the finished work of Christ. God sent His Son to come and pay the full price for our rebellion against Him. Jesus came and lived perfectly on Earth, accomplishing everything that we should have accomplished. He also died on a cross paying the full wrath of God in the sinner’s place. Jesus then rose from the dead three days later.  Our response to this is to turn from ruling our own lives and see ourselves as sinners who need a Savior and trust in Christ.

Here is the rub. If we want our closest friends to be wise then we will choose people to be in our squad who are Christians. If they don’t have the beginning of knowledge then there isn’t a chance that they would be right for your squad.

There are other warnings that we find in the Book of Proverbs. Not only is the fool to be left out of your squad, but there is also a number of other people to leave out.

Leave The Hot Tempered Person Out Of Your Squad (Proverbs 16:29; Proverbs 19:19; Proverbs 22:24-25)

Think back to the rally and bullies that we discussed earlier. For some reason it is very easy for us to be drug into the violence of an angry person. It is easy for us to be swayed in that direction. Therefore, the warning goes out. The person given to violence entices others to be violent, therefore we should avoid being close friends with that person.

“A man of violence entices his neighbor and leads him in a way that is not good.”—Proverbs 16:29 ESV

“Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.”—Proverbs 22:24-25 ESV

I don’t want to pick on ladies, but the second reason for avoiding the angry person is a trap that they fall into more often. It is unwise to make friends with the angry person because you will not change them.

“A man of great wrath will pay the penalty, for if you deliver him, you will only have to do it again.”—Proverbs 19:19 ESV

Many a person has gotten over involved with an angry person thinking that they could help them only to find that it is not the case. This is oftentimes the case with women choosing who they will date and marry. They find out when it is far too late that this man will not turn away from his angry ways and they get swept up into a pattern of abuse that is incredibly hard to get away from. You can avoid this horrific situation altogether if you will simply not get over involved with the angry person in the beginning.

Interestingly, if you do get the angry person out of trouble then you will have to do it again…and again…and again because they rarely change their ways. Again, you must avoid allowing these people into your squad.

Leave the Gossip Out of Your Squad (Proverbs 20:19)

“Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.”—Proverbs 20:19 ESV

There is an appeal to listening to gossip. We like to be “in the know”. We like to be the people with the information whether we intend on telling other people or not. But here’s the problem, the gossip lives to give up these secrets. If you are close friends with a gossip, sharing some of your most intimate details, your secrets may be the next to be revealed.

I confided in a man once before I came here. I later heard my secret from other people. I had made this mistake. I later found out that he made a habit of talking about other people. From that point on I kept my distance from him. I never told him anything that I didn’t want other people to know. He lived to be the giver of information that others did not know. The gossip lives for such a thing. What makes you think that they won’t do the same thing to you? Obviously you don’t. So, you don’t want to have a gossip in your squad.

Leave the Flatterer Out of Your Squad (Proverbs 27:6; Proverbs 29:5)

A few weeks ago we said that the people in your squad needed to be honest with you. This is simply the negative side of that. A friend will wound you with the truth about your own failures. This hurts. It truly does. But it doesn’t hurt as much as falling into the trap that is set for you by the flatter. And, to be honest, the friend’s wound works toward your healing while the flatterer’s wound works toward your destruction.

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”—Proverbs 27:6 ESV

“A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.”—Proverbs 29:5 ESV

We oftentimes have to tell our children not to do something because it’s dangerous. They don’t know that it’s dangerous to lick an electrical outlet. They do not know that it’s dangerous to start walking up a ladder when you haven’t mastered the art of climbing. They simply do not know these things. It is loving for us to tell them that they need to stop what they’re doing and that it is dangerous for them. Our relationship with friends is much the same.

What kind of a friend would I be if I didn’t tell them when they were doing something that could ruin their lives?

A few weeks ago I told the story of a man who approached me when I was headed toward awful things. That was an act of friendship and love. He was being truthful with me when no one else was. This is what we need in our lives. We need people who love us enough to be honest with us, not flatterers.

The hardest part about this for us is that we really don’t want to hear it. We don’t want to hear about our failures. We don’t want to hear about where we’re messing up. So, we would actually rather have the flatterer near us than the truth teller. But this is not what we need. We need friends who love us enough to tell us the truth.

Leave the Disloyal Person Out of Your Squad (Proverbs 25:19)

“Trusting in a treacherous man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth or a foot that slips.”—Proverbs 25:19 ESV

What is the problem with a bad tooth and an unsteady foot? What do both of these things have in common? Dan Phillips asks this question in his Book “Wisdom From Proverbs” and it really sheds light on the meaning of this text. The answer is simply. Weakness is shown in both when pressure is applied.

When do you notice your toothache the most? When cold is applied and when you bite down on it. When do you notice that there is a problem with your foot or ankle? When you put pressure on your foot things become obvious.

Now, when do you notice that your friend is not loyal?

I had two hurt knees at the same time. I had a torn ACL in one and a torn PCL in the other. I could walk with things being this way, but walking was at times tricky. I would feel like I had nearly fallen down quite often. When pressure was applied in the right way they would give way. This is what it is like to have an unfaithful friend. When pressure is applied, when things get tough, they leave and you fall down. They are not the type of people that you need in your life.

Conclusion:

Here is the main point. You need to choose your friends incredibly wisely. The fool, the angry person, the gossip, the flatterer, and the unfaithful person are people that you need to avoid having in your squad. They will bring to you disappointment, heartache, and cause you to be people that you do not want to be.

If you are going to lead a life that is faithful to God then you need to have a few friends that are faithful to the Lord and are attempting to live lives that glorify and honor Him.

R. Dwain Minor