Squad Goals Part 3: Be Truthful and Handle Criticism Well

We opened with a funny video tonight about honesty. Interestingly it is also a Wendy’s commercial.

I found this to be quite funny. But we all know that honesty and truthfulness are of great importance to our friendships. We have already discussed the type of people that we want to have as our closest friends. We have spent two messages on that. The first was called Squad Goals: Have the Right People in Your Squad. In it we discussed the type of people that you want to have as your closest friends. The next message was called Squad Goals Part 2: Leave These People Out of Your Squad. We are shifting out of discussing the type of people that we should have close to us and moving toward understanding how we treat those who are in our squad. We’ve moved from choosing your closest friends to learning how we treat our closest friends.

I’m sure that you can recount the times when you or someone you know treated friends or family poorly and it did great damage to their lives. I was close friends with a guy in High School who I didn’t treat very well while on a youth trip at Super Summer Oklahoma. This relationship could have gone much further than it did. But, it changed after that day. It was not good at all.

I can remember other friendships that were ruined by different things that I did. I can also remember friendships that were ruined because of things done by people who I was friends with at that time. The point I’m making is that when you do not treat your squad wisely friendships that were once strong or had great potential can be ruined.

I can also say that the most enriching of friendships that I’ve had are the ones where honesty, even sometimes having to say hard things to one another. has existed. These are the friendships that have lasted and been the most beneficial for both myself and my friends.

We have discussed friendships over the past few weeks and have seen that they can be massively important in our lives. Friends can help us in our walk with Christ or pull us away from Him either quickly or slowly. I am also sure that you have either lived through or seen relationships that are completely ruined by friends being treated rather unwisely.

There are going to be a few messages on how we treat our friends. Today’s message is about truthfulness and handling criticism within our squad. This is part of nourishing close friendships. And this will be very beneficial to both you and your friends.

Once you’ve found good friends, live life wisely with them.

Be Truthful In Your Friendships

We have talked about this every week over the past few weeks. It comes up often in Proverbs, but it is often something that we just don’t consider in our friendships. Of course, the way it is now discussed is different than over the course of the last two “squad goals” lessons. Rather than thinking about having truthful friends, we are assuming that you have truthful friends around you. So now that you are surrounding yourself with the right people be truthful to them.

“A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin.”—Proverbs 26:28 ESV

“A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.”—Proverbs 29:5 ESV

If you truly love your friends then you want what is best for them. And, as we’ve discussed a few times already, we need for people to tell us the truth. Flattery doesn’t help anyone. It actually brings them great harm. We don’t want to bring harm to our close friends. We don’t want them to bring harm to us. We need truthfulness within our squad.

The hard truth about this is that we love flattery. Most everyone loves to hear people praising our name as we walk by. We like it when people are constantly saying great things about us. And we also know that people don’t like to hear about how they are messing up. But sometimes we and our friends need a little criticism.

To be clear flattery is not telling someone they are good at something. Flattery is when you lie to someone about how good they are. Its like when you look at someone who has a bad singing voice and tell them they sound great. Then they end up trying out for the Voice and getting made fun of on national television. We don’t like telling people the truth sometimes. And, it can be completely nerve wracking to think about going to our friend and correcting them. But this is oftentimes the loving thing to do.

“Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”—Proverbs 27:5-6 ESV

I can think of a number of different situations where I have had to do this. I have confronted teenagers about their drinking. I have confronted teenagers about their relationships. My wife and I have confronted teen ladies who were dating real losers. I have confronted pastors at other churches when they have done things that they should not have done. I have spoken with friends about the decisions that they had made. And I can’t think of a single time where it was easy. This is not easy. It is incredibly hard. But it is also incredibly important.

One thing to note about this is our attitude. We don’t go to our friends with a condemning and hostile attitude. We are going to them in love because we care about them. This has to be done correctly. We can’t just attack people, our friends included, with harshness. Go to our friends and lovingly tell them the truth.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”—Proverbs 15:1 ESV

If you are going to go to your friend and tell them something that they are doing wrong then you need to go with an attitude of gentleness and love. We all need criticism from time to time. It is of great benefit to us and if delivered with the right attitude it is more likely to be taken well. And a true friend’s sweetness is found in their truthful “earnest counsel”.

“Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.”—Proverbs 27:9 ESV

Take a moment to consider what this means for your squad. Both you and your friends will become better people because of the love and truthfulness that you share with one another.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”—Proverbs 27:17 ESV

We also need to understand this truthfulness as having believers around us that help us to grow in the faith. We want to have close friends who are studying God’s Word with us who care about us enough to pray for us and help us to succeed in our lives. That is why we are going to begin D6 groups soon. That is why we want you guys to sign up and get involved. We are going to be meeting with small groups of you in an attempt to grow in our faith together.

Handle Criticism Wisely

If you have done a good job choosing friends then you will likely run into a situation where they tell you what you have done wrong. This is not pleasant at all. We all would rather have people tell us how great we are, but it is not beneficial. In fact, we find that the category of person who does not accept criticism well is the “scoffer”. They are the mocking loudmouth who loves his sin. This is not the category of person that we want to be. So, we need to handle criticism well.

“A scoffer does not like to be reproved; he will not go to the wise.”—Proverbs 15:12 ESV

“Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you. Give instructions to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning.”—Proverbs 9:8-9 ESV

When criticism comes I need to evaluate what was said and how it measures up. I have led music at multiple churches and have received a plethora of criticisms for doing so. Even in the most vile and venomous language from the meanest of people there may be a kernel of truth.

For my own part I approach it like this. If they are my friend then they likely have my best intentions in mind. I will give them the benefit of the doubt. I will listen to them and take that criticism to heart. I will consider what they’ve said and try to discern how I need to respond. Is there something I need to repent of? Is there something that I need to apologize for? Did my actions come off as being something other than they were intended to be?

Things are a bit different, however, if the person is attempting to hurt me. When I believe that they are out to get me I don’t give as much thought to what they are saying. As I mentioned above, there is likely a kernel of truth in what is being said. So, I try to figure out if there is any small bit of validity in what is being said. If there is then I try to make appropriate changes, but I don’t give it any other thought. I attempt to forget about what was said. So, when the statement comes form  a close friend I give the statement more consideration. When it comes from someone seeking to harm me then I consider the statement and assess it for even a kernel of truthfulness. I then drop it as best I can.

What This Would Mean For Us

In a lot of ways, I am hoping that the D6 groups help aid in this. We need to have friends around us that love Jesus and are willing to be truthful with us. Our friends also need for this to be how we treat them. My hope is that we will come together in small groups, learning God’s Word together, praying for each other, and helping each other through life together. If this becomes the way we operate then our lives as individuals will be radically changed. But also the nature of your squad will be radically changed. And God will be glorified by this in a mighty way.

A Challenge For You

Here is my challenge to you. Begin to be truthful to your friends. Be gentle and kind with them. Begin reading Scripture together with them. Join a D6 group and we will begin to learn God’s Word together, pray for each other, and help each other through the struggles of life.

Concluding Thoughts

When I’m thinking about my behavior within friendships I need to remember a few things about myself. I am a sinner and that means that I will at times fail. This is the truth that begins our understanding of the gospel. I understand that I fail and have failed numerous times in my life. I have sinned and fallen short of God’s standard of perfection. And God made a way for me to be made right with Him by sending His Son to come and pay the price for my sin. Jesus died in my place. He took upon Himself my sin and shame and took upon Himself God’s Wrath for me.

 

God’s Son came, He lived a perfect life, He died in our place, and God raised Him from the dead. This is what God has said about me and you. This is what God has said about our tendencies. I am so wicked that the God of the Universe had to come and die for me. I have a tendency to make mistakes. I have a tendency to live in rebellion against God. So, I need for God to save me.

I also need to have truthful friends around me who will tell me when I have failed. My friends need that also. I know that my friends need truthful friends around them. So, even though it is incredibly difficult, I need to be truthful to my friends. You need to be truthful to your friends. You need to learn the Scriptures with friends. Your friends need to learn from you. Your friends need you to pray for them. You need for people to be upholding you in this life with prayer.

We need these things in our lives. It is worth it to go through the effort of looking for the right friends. And it is worth it to cultivate these relationships in wisdom so that our lives will be enriched, and most importantly we will glorify God in greater and greater ways with our lives.

 

R. Dwain Minor